fine

lonely in that quiet way
not entirely silent
whispering in my ear
you are not enough
you are not worth it
you will never have what you want
why do you bother trying anyway
it feels hopeless
it feels like abandon
it feels like the echoes of rejection
long since past
but it is numb
whatever pain is there
nerve receptors too overloaded
to begin to process it
compassion for those who slice
into their own skin
in order to feel that pain
instead of the numbness
understanding why
lacking either courage or cowardice to try it
not quite that crazy yet
but reckless still
reaching out for substitutes
looking for someone to share this space
to fill up the quiet
to stimulate the numbness
ready to stand on the tallest mountain
and shout
WHERE ARE YOU?